I stared at my dad through the thick, ugly bars as I tried to remember why I was here. He had never been there for me. I didn't owe him anything. He left us. He left us for this. Oh, who was I kidding? I knew why I was here. He was my dad. Even if I'd never met him, he was still my father. I wanted a relationship with him, regardless of how dysfunctional it would have to be.
“Hey kid, get lost!” A burly worker in a khaki uniform spat at me from behind the bars. “If you want to see the show you have to pay the entrance fee like everybody else!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said, refusing to take my eyes off my father.
“I mean it!” Her voice started rising. “If you don't move it I'll come over there and move you myself!”
I ignored her. There was nothing to fear. I knew her story. I'd been watching Budros' Bigtop Circus every day since they came into town two weeks ago. Her name was Katie Holt, she was one of the security guards. If you asked me she was squandering her talent. Budros should have recruited her for the freak show, she was definitely big enough to play the bearded lady, all she needed was some facial hair. It was common knowledge her bark was worse than her bite. She liked to talk tough but really she was a pushover. Anyway, the circus was only her side job, her real dream was to become a night club singer. She was actually pretty good, I'd heard her practicing in her trailer from one of my earlier days watching the show from my post behind the wrought iron bars.
“Kid!” Katie said, interrupting me from my reverie. “What are you doing out here? Why don't you just go home?”
“I thought you were going to forcibly remove me,” I said dryly.
“Well I was, but you remind me of someone I know,” she said softly.
“Oh yeah?” I said, offhand. “Who?”
“Well actually, do you see that man right through there?” She asked, pointing to my father.
“Yeah...” I said, trying to sound indifferent.
“His name is Mark. He's the best flying trapeze artist I've ever seen. He's also the sweetest man I've ever met. When I first started out...” She trailed off, embarrassed.
“No, go on,” I encouraged her.
“Well see, my name isn't really Katie Holt. It's actually Katie Budros. Mike Budros, the owner of the circus, is my father. When I was born he was very excited because I was to be a free laborer, he wouldn't have to pay me, I was family. But as I grew up it became apparent that I wasn't cut out for the circus. I was afraid of elephants and tigers, so I couldn't be a trainer, I'm not funny enough to be a clown or flexible enough to be an acrobat, and I can't even grow enough facial hair to be considered a freak.”
“What does any of that have to do with my—well with Mark?” I asked.
“Mark had been working with my father for some time, and he's the one who suggested I work out and become a security guard. It was really important to Budros that I worked for the circus. Mark really saved my relationship with my father, and now I've found my niche,” Katie explained.
“So why did you change your last name?” I asked.
“Budros didn't think it would be...prudent, to have it known that his only daughter was a security guard. He dreamed of me becoming a trapeze artist like Adela Fedor, the woman he is currently...involved with. Or at least a magician's assistant like my friend Arabelle. But I'm not pretty enough for that,” she lamented.
“I think you're plenty pretty,” I said.
“Thanks,” she replied, smiling at me. “So what about you? What's your story? Why are you sitting here? And what is your name?”
“My name is Kirk,” I said smiling. “And I'm here to join the circus.”
***
There's no way, I thought, staring with trepidation at the trapeze swinging high above my head.
I'd been with the circus for four weeks now, and I'd been subjected to some pretty intense training. Luckily my body was thin and sinewy, the perfect build for trapeze artists, according to Mark. He took me on as sort of a personal special case. I thought maybe he might know that he was my dad, some sort of biological instinct, but Katie assured me he was like this with everyone.
“Think you can do it?” Mark asked, coming up on my left.
“We'll see,” I said, intimidated.
We climbed the swinging ladders. I looked down and silently thanked God for the nets that were constructed beneath the trapeze.
“You ready?” Mark shouted from the other end.
“As I'll ever be...” I was not looking forward to this.
“Three, two, one!” Mark called.
I latched onto the thin metal bar for dear life and silently said about a dozen hail Mary's. I felt my stomach fall out of my butt as my body leaned forward over the edge.
“Almost there, son,” Mark said.
That did it. That one term of endearment I've waited my whole life to hear gave me the motivation I needed. I jumped.
It was the most amazing sensation I'd ever felt. Flying across the big top, the rainbow colors of the circus blurring into a sea below me. I could see the clowns, the elephants, and the wrought iron fence I'd sat behind for so long. It worried me briefly, the proximity of the fence with its spear-headed spikes to the trapeze. I could clearly see myself slipping and letting go, being stabbed completely through by one of the posts, and my basic knowledge of physics informed me that this was entirely possible. But somehow at the time it didn't bother me. In that moment I knew where I belonged. This was what I was born to do. It was the essence of equilibrium. It was completely natural.
Suddenly, I felt myself slipping. I looked up to see that the rope securing the trapeze to the top of the tent was coming undone. Before I could even think, the rope came untied and I was falling, down, down, down.
***
“That was so close,” Katie's face swam into my vision.
“What happened?” I muttered.
“Oh baby, you fell,” Katie said. “The rope came untied. It's a miracle you missed the gate. It was like slow motion, you completely missed the nets. Are you ok, can you move?”
“Yeah, I'm ok,” I said, sitting up gingerly. “I don't think anything is broken.”
“Damn right he could have died!” I could here Mark shouting. “Damn it Budros! He's just a kid!”
Katie and I exchanged glances as Budros quietly tried to calm Mark down.
“We're done here! Ledeux can kiss its trapeze act goodbye, because Kirk and I are out. If you want us back here by the finale you had better get it fixed!” Mark stormed out of Budros' trailer, livid.
“Wow,” Katie whispered. “I've never seen him angry before.”
“Me either,” I said. “Me either.”
***
Budros didn't fix the trapeze. At the end of our stint in Ledeux he packed up the big top and put it into storage. I soon forgot about it, but Mark never did. Before each practice he would double check the trapeze, ensuring that everything was stable. I was always touched. But I never told him he was my dad. I liked the way things were going, I didn't want to mess it up, I didn't want him to freak out and leave the circus like he left me and my mom. Now that I knew him I realized that I couldn't live without him.
***
As the seasons changed, I got better and better at the trapeze feats. Mark told me I was a natural. If only he knew...Anyway, Katie and I ended up falling in love that year, and the best way I can describe that is exactly the way I'd describe flying on the trapeze, only without the fear of falling. She was amazing. She, and everyone else in Budros' Big Top, made me feel like I was home. It was the best year of my life. When I was with my mom, I never felt permanent. We moved around a lot, pretty much whenever she broke up with one of her boyfriends. I always felt instable, like our little “family” could break up at any moment. I never felt like that with the circus, yet I was still afraid that my dad would abandon me again, he did it once, what was to stop him from doing it again? So I kept my secret, from my dad, from Katie, from Budros, from everyone.
***
Word soon got out about the “Tenacious Twosome,” as Mark and I were called. We were nothing short of phenomenal. I'd never worked so hard for anything in my life. Add our natural skill to the resemblance between Mark and I and you got magic, baby, nothing but magic. At least that's what Budros had printed on all the posters. Every time Budros looked at Mark and I we could just see the dollar signs flashing in his eyes. Unfortunately, Budros was the type of man who always wanted more, always dreamed bigger. That was why as soon as he heard of the Tempestuous Twist, he knew he had to have it in his act.
“Are you out of your mind?” Mark yelled. He and Budros were at it again. They'd been coming to blows more and more lately, often because of me.
“Come on Mark!” Budros pleaded. “What, are you scared you're going to hurt yourself?”
“It's not me I'm worried about!” Mark fired back.
“Who is it, the kid?” Budros asked, bewildered.
“His name is Kirk! Dammit Budros! When are you going to learn that you can't go around gambling other people's lives? I'm not putting him in danger!”
“You've changed,” Budros marveled.
Mark glared at him, daggers shooting out of his eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“The old you would have jumped at the chance to conquer something so risky. You'd master every trick you came across, the more insane the better. Don't you remember?”
“That was when I had nothing to live for,” Mark retorted.
“What, are you talking about that Smith girl, what was her name--”
“Grace, Budros. Her name was Grace,” whispered Mark.
“Whatever. Look, I know you were all bent out of shape when she left you and took that kid along with her but, and I'm going to be brutal here, that was the best thing that ever happened to you. Look at where you are now! You're career never would have taken off if she hadn't left you and destroyed your desire to live.”
My jaw dropped. I'd heard the entire conversation through Budros' thin trailer walls. Grace Smith. That was my mother's name.
I knew you were all bent out of shape when she left you and took that kid.
Mark had never left me. Mark didn't abandon me and leave me for dead. My mother left him. She left him! She lied! As devastating as the thought of my deceitful mother was, my spirits soared. My dad loved me! He hadn't left!
“I'll do it!” I said, bursting into Budros' trailer.
“Do what?” Budros asked, barely looking at me.
“The Tempestuous Twist,” I said. “I'll learn it.”
That got their attention.
“No way!” Mark spluttered. “You put him up to this!”
Budros flinched at the accusation. “I swear I didn't!”
“Budros didn't put me up to anything,” I said defiantly. “This is something I want to do.”
“No!” Mark said. “You are not learning it. It's too dangerous! This matter is closed!”
Mark stormed out of the trailer and slammed the door behind him.
I looked at Budros, dejected. “There goes that idea.”
I caught his eye and noticed a gleam in it that I'd never seen before.
“It's not over?” I asked.
“It definitely ain't over kid,” he said.
“But I don't understand...Mark won't learn it--” I began.
“Mark already knows it!” Budros said, elated. “Mark knows every trick in the book! He's just
never had anyone crazy enough to do this one with him! And now I've found you!”
“How am I supposed to learn it though?” I asked.
“Well, there is someone...she's not as good as Mark but she's the second best in the business. I don't normally like to ask her for favors...” Budros looked uncomfortable. “But in your case I'm willing to make an exception. We've just got to keep it from Mark.”
“Well, I don't know...” I hesitated.
“Come on kid,” Budros said. “Think of it as...a surprise! Think of how proud he'd be, seeing you up there, mastering the trick he's always dreamed of. Can you imagine how proud he'd be.”
I sat there and pretended to contemplate the suggestion for a bit.
“I'm in,” I said
***
The crowd was bigger than any I'd ever seen. They were screaming at Mark and me. I stood, on top of the world, about to make the descent. At the last second I looked at Mark. The fear in his eyes alerted me that he knew exactly what I was about to do. Disregarding him, I jumped anyway.
I could feel the weightlessness in my body as I flew through the air, executing every twist and turn to perfection. Mark was hesitant in his response at first, but soon the thrill of the moment overtook him. I almost wished I was an outsider watching our performance, certain that there was nothing more beautiful than the magic we were making on the trapeze that day.
The final twist was coming up. Could I do it? Would all my training pay off? I was just about to find out when suddenly--
“Wake up, kid!”
“What?” I muttered groggily as I rolled over in bed.
“Training starts right now!” Budros said.
I looked at the digital clock on my make-shift nightstand. “But it's three-thirty in the morning!”
“Exactly!” Budros said, ecstatic. “Mark's still asleep.”
He sauntered out of my tent as I started getting ready, cursing him all the while.
In a few minutes I was loaded in Budros' Porsche 911 Turbo.
“Where exactly are we going?” I asked through a mouthful of poptart.
“We are headed down to Dundee,” Budros answered. I could see his eye twitch a little at the word.
“Why? Is that where the trapeze girl is?”
“Yeah,” he conceded. “Now shut up and eat your breakfast.”
I put my poptart down. “Listen Budros, I don't know what you're playing at here, but I'm not learning the most dangerous trick in the trapeze world without a little background knowledge on my instructor.”
“Fine!” He yelled, slamming on his breaks at the stoplight, harder than necessary. “Her name is Anna. Anna and I were...involved many years ago. She was my star trapeze artist. She wasn't naturally talented but she worked her ass off every day to be the best in the business. And for many years, she was.
“Then I opened up our circuit and picked up the Ledeux stint. One night, after a performance, Anna and I went out to a cliff the locals liked to hang out at.”
“Clive's Cliff,” I said. I'd heard of it once or twice.
“Yeah,” Budros agreed. “Well anyway, a lot of the locals liked to jump off the cliff into the water. It's crazy, but God only knows what people will do for entertainment when they're bored.
“Anyway, the weather was pretty bad on the night Anna and I went there. A storm was coming in and the water was rough and choppy. Only a fool would have jumped on a night like that,” he broke off, that gleam I'd seen earlier returning to his eye.
“And...” I prompted.
“And...we decided to check it out anyway, we heard the views were pretty spectacular. Well, when we arrived there was a huge commotion. Apparently some maniac had climbed to the very top and was going to jump. Naturally, Anna and I ran to the edge so we could have the perfect view.
“I looked up to the top and could just barely make out the shape of a tall, sinewy man. I remember Anna remarking that he'd make a good trapeze artist.
“If only she knew.
“Anyway, we watched him as he leaped over the edge. I'll never forget it kid. It was the most graceful thing I'd ever seen. He flipped and spun and turned and twisted, and in that moment, I knew Anna was right. He was born to be a trapeze artist. I had to have him.
“Miraculously, he survived the fall. Anna and I hurried down to the embankment as he clamored out, and I promptly offered him a job in my show. He accepted, and soon we became good friends.
“At first, everything was great. Anna taught Mark everything she knew, and their act was phenomenal. But soon, Mark and his natural athleticism surpassed Anna and she became very bitter.
“One day it all became too much. She came to my trailer with an ultimatum. She told me I had to choose. Since Mark was more successful, I chose him. Needless to say it ended our relationship, and I haven't talked to her since,” Budros finished.
“Wow,” I marveled. “And now you're going to ask her for a favor?”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Budros said, game face in place.
I sat in silence for the rest of the car ride.
***
After much flattery and groveling (on Budros' part), Anna agreed to teach me what she knew about the Tempestuous Twist. She told me she'd never done it, but she knew the basic theory.
We practiced, and practiced, and practiced. Every weekend (any more often would have made Mark suspicious) I would head down to Dundee with in Budros' Porsche.
Anna was a good teacher, she was strict, but also very patient. I learned a lot from her about trapeze tricks, and, surprisingly, life. She taught me to never give up, that sometimes you need to swallow your pride and help someone in desperate need.
Anyway, after several grueling months of training, I mastered the Tempestuous Twist. I'd never been so proud in my life. I couldn't wait to show Mark, but Budros convinced me to wait it out. I'd reveal it in Ledeux, he told me. It was the perfect plan. I couldn't wait.
***
“Kirk,” Katie called, running to catch up with me. “Wait!”
“What's going on?” I asked, distracted. Tonight was my big night. We'd arrived in Ledeux yesterday and I was more than ready to show Mark what I'd been working on.
“I don't think you should do the show tonight!” Katie said, breathless.
That got my attention. “What are you talking about?”
“It's Baige, she's been having bad feelings about you for weeks. She said they've gotten stronger since we arrived in Ledeux. Baby, I really think you shouldn't do it!” Katie pleaded.
Baige was the circus' resident “psychic.” She couldn't predict a damn thing, but she had an uncanny way of knowing things without having to be told. Her “feelings” were rarely wrong, but I decided to shrug it off. Today was a beautiful day. Nothing, especially not a luke-warm psychic, was going to mess this up for me.
“Katie, it's fine.” I said. “Baige was right. I threw up a little earlier. That's probably what Baige was feeling. I'll probably throw up a little before the show. But I'll be fine.”
“Alright...” Katie said, looking unconvinced.
I left and headed for the Bigtop. So what if I lied to Katie? I wasn't going to hurt anyone. She'd see tonight at the show that everything was alright. Baige wasn't right about every “feeling” she'd ever had. At least, I was pretty sure she wasn't...
***
The crowd was bigger than any I'd ever seen. They were screaming at Mark and me. I stood, on top of the world, about to make the descent. At the last second I looked at Mark. The fear in his eyes alerted me that he knew exactly what I was about to do. Disregarding him, I jumped anyway.
I flew through the air, relishing in the familiar sensation. When I got to the release point, I let go and executed a perfect twist into a sommersalt. At my last flip I looked at the bar Mark was supposed to have vacated in order to do the trick right. He was still there, a look of sheer panic etched into his face.
My stomach heaved as I pictured a collision, but there was nothing I could do. I continued flying toward him at full speed.
"Oh my God!" I could here screams from below. "They're going to crash!"
At the very last second possible, Mark snapped out of it and moved out of the way, but it was too late. The surprise of his reaction had already messed up my turnout and I only barely managed to grip the bar between my knees. Recognizing there wasn't room for both of us, Mark let go of the bar and I grabbed his hands.
I can only imagine what it looked like to spectators. Me, hanging upside down by my knees, gripping Mark's hands in my own. Maybe they thought it was part of the trick. Maybe not. I'll never know, because the next thing that happened has always overshadowed our botched Tempestuous Twist.
Mark looked up at me and smiled.
"Almost blew that one," he murmered.
I looked down at him; the only thought in my mind was how I'd almost lost him.
"Mark," I began. "There's something I need to tell you..."
Just then, I felt the all too familiar slipping sensation. I looked at Mark and I could instantly read the same thoughts on his face.
Budros never fixed the trapeze.
"It can't hold us both!" I screamed.
Mark looked at me, pride and admiration in his eyes.
"I love you, son."
And he let go.
***
"I always said the trapeze was too close to that damn fence," Baige commented at the funeral. "Nobody ever listened."
Katie sushed her and led her away from the grave. It was a closed casket funeral. The funeral directer figured nobody would want to see the punctures in Mark's chest from the fence again.
He was right. For most of the people in attendance, once was enough. Nobody would ever forget watching Mark fall through the air, limbs flailing. And then seeing the spear go through his heart.
***
Budros stood at the podium next to Mark's grave, a somber look on his face.
"Mark was my best friend," he began the eulogy.
"He was everything I'd ever dreamed of being: intelligent, motivated, strong. I'll always remember the way he lived.
"But it is equally important to remember the way he died. Mark Nathaniel Rasmussen died for the one thing he loved most in the world: his son."
***
"Do you need some time alone?" Katie asked me as everyone walked away from Mark's eternal resting place.
"He knew," I whispered.
"What's that?" she looked back at me.
"He knew. He knew he was my dad all along. And he didn't leave," I said, in awe.
"No, he didn't," she agreed, sympathy coloring her face.
"I'll just be a minute," I said.
I watched her walk away, then I turned away
As I looked down at my father for the last time, I thought of the brief period I'd gotten to spend with him. As much as my heart ached now, I knew I'd never regret meeting him. I'd rather experience the pain of his loss a million times over than to never have met him at all.
I put the rose in my hand on his grave.
"I love you, too, Daddy," were my last words to the best man I'd ever known.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The Dream Team
This story is not written very well, it doesn't flow. That's probably because I wrote it during the debate workshop at Dennos. When I was supposed to be listening to the guy's lecture...
Once upon a time there was a boy named Andy. Andy liked to sail with his first mate Les. Les was short for Leslie, but Leslie was a boy. His girlfriend's name was Megan. Megan liked shopping. She had rainboots from downtown that she really liked. They were black with hearts on them. She liked them more than she liked Les, but Les didn't know that. Les was nine years old and Megan was seventeen. Their relationship kind of grossed Andy out, but he didn't say anything because Les was his first mate and he loved him.
One day Andy and Les decided to go sailing. Megan came too. Megan didn't want to be the only girl, so she invited Adela. Adela boarded Andy's boat (that's what the kids are calling it these days) and it was love at first sight. Andy loved the way the perspiration slid lusciously down Adela's forearm. He dreamt of licking it off. Adela in turn loved the way the wind touseled Andy's long blonde locks. She walked across his boat, called the Mass Debation, and ran her fingers through his hair, all the while gazing into his clear blue eyes. Just then, Les and Megan boarded the boat, thus ending the special moment. They set sail.
After a short while, they came across a ship wreck. Upon closer examination, they saw there was a girl trapped in the debris, as a well as a chemistry teacher. Andy noticed the girl could have been pretty if her hair hadn't been on fire and if she wasn't wearing a purple velour jogging suit. Never one to deny a damsel in distress, Andy dove off his boat and rescued the girl and her chemistry teacher. They came aboard his boat and introduced themselves as Laundry and Mrs. V. Bonker. Right away the chemistry teacher, Mrs. V. Bonker, tried to fix Andy and Laundry up, but alas, Andy had already fallen for Adela so her attempts were fruitless.
They sailed together for a short time, mostly getting along until Mrs. V Bonker tried to commit mutiny. She failed miserably, so Andy had Les feed her to the snapping turtles and ill-tempered mutated sea bass he kept in the cabin below deck.
Much later, they landed in the Russian country of Leningrad, realizing they had gone back in time to 1943. Megan blamed the Bermuda Triangle for taking them back in time. She was right.
In Leningrad they came across two companions called Nick and Missy. Nick and Missy were about to go on an adventure. You see, Nick and Missy weren't ordinary Russians. They were part of The Dream Team, the negative part, to be exact. Nick and Missy, along with Baige and Spencer, were the ultimate master debaters. Together they were unbeatable. McBain, Petoskey, Cadillac, St. Francis and West cowered in their presence. They had magic, until tragedy struck.
At that time in history, an evil dictator was chancelor of Germany. The evil dictator was rapidly gaining power, imprisoning TCC Master Debaters in concentration camps throughout western Europe. Nick and Missy escaped the terror, but Baige and Spencer weren't so lucky. The evil dictator, known more commonly as the Petoskey Coach, had tracked Baige and Spencer down and imprisoned them in Auschwitz. Nick and Missy were on their way to liberate Auschwitz when they met up with Andy, Adela, Megan, Les and Laundry. The group was very eager to help because Baige and Spencer were very beloved.
Just then, a russian named Mackenzie came up to the group with enough horses for everybody to double up. Andy had a little trouble mounting the horse because he was afraid of them, so Adela offered to let him mount her instead. Andy took the bait. While the group waited for them to finish, Megan wondered how they were going to get there.
"I know the way!" Andy gasped between mouthfuls of Adela. Fortunately Andy had visited the concentration camp many a time before for conjugal visits with Spencer. Adela moaned, and finally they were finished. They got back on the horses and were off.
The traveling took several days. The group forgot to pack food, so after six days they pulled a Donner Party and ate Les. Megan was sad, but she had her rainboots so it didn't bother her that much. Finally, they rode up to a gate with a sign on it that said Auschwitz.
Andy took out his pliers and cut the padlock, liberating the camp. Unfortunately, they were too late. One of the TCC Master Debater-turned-guard informed Laundry that she had just sent Baige and Spencer to the showers.
"Alright! Go Spencer! Get some!" Andy cheered. Nick and Missy ran to the gass chambers as Adela explained to Andy what it meant to take a shower at a concentration camp.
"That is so not serene," Andy lamented.
Meanwhile, Nick and Missy arrived at the entrance to the gas chambers. Pero hay un problema! The gate was locked! With his hair looking sexy pushed back, Nick rammed his shoulders into the steel door. As his broad shoulders and perfectly tanned abdominal muscles glistened in the sun, Nick ran to Spencer and Baige, performed CPR (perhaps a bit longer than necessary on Baige) and, miraculously, Baige and Spencer survived. Missy saw that the situation was under control, so she went off to find the evil dictator Petoskey coach. She found her in one of Andy and Spencer's conjugal trailers. Missy and the Petoskey Coach got into a huge debate about whether or not The United States Federal Government Should Substantially Increase its Public Health Assistance to Sub-Saharan Africa. Well, not for nothing was Missy the negative part of the dream team. She promptly won. So the evil dictator Petoskey coach, along with her new girlfriend Rita, shot themselves in the face.
Nick, Missy, Baige and Spencer met up again with the rest of the TCC Master Debaters to celebrate another success and to count up the casualties. Sadly, Aaron Trippe and Matt Madion did not make it. However no one could dwell on this for long. Everyone was too overwhelmed with the death of the evil dictator Petoskey Coach and the reunification of the Dream Team!
They all went back to America, kicked ass in league, and once again the dream team came in first place and got a big, shiny trophy.
The end.
Once upon a time there was a boy named Andy. Andy liked to sail with his first mate Les. Les was short for Leslie, but Leslie was a boy. His girlfriend's name was Megan. Megan liked shopping. She had rainboots from downtown that she really liked. They were black with hearts on them. She liked them more than she liked Les, but Les didn't know that. Les was nine years old and Megan was seventeen. Their relationship kind of grossed Andy out, but he didn't say anything because Les was his first mate and he loved him.
One day Andy and Les decided to go sailing. Megan came too. Megan didn't want to be the only girl, so she invited Adela. Adela boarded Andy's boat (that's what the kids are calling it these days) and it was love at first sight. Andy loved the way the perspiration slid lusciously down Adela's forearm. He dreamt of licking it off. Adela in turn loved the way the wind touseled Andy's long blonde locks. She walked across his boat, called the Mass Debation, and ran her fingers through his hair, all the while gazing into his clear blue eyes. Just then, Les and Megan boarded the boat, thus ending the special moment. They set sail.
After a short while, they came across a ship wreck. Upon closer examination, they saw there was a girl trapped in the debris, as a well as a chemistry teacher. Andy noticed the girl could have been pretty if her hair hadn't been on fire and if she wasn't wearing a purple velour jogging suit. Never one to deny a damsel in distress, Andy dove off his boat and rescued the girl and her chemistry teacher. They came aboard his boat and introduced themselves as Laundry and Mrs. V. Bonker. Right away the chemistry teacher, Mrs. V. Bonker, tried to fix Andy and Laundry up, but alas, Andy had already fallen for Adela so her attempts were fruitless.
They sailed together for a short time, mostly getting along until Mrs. V Bonker tried to commit mutiny. She failed miserably, so Andy had Les feed her to the snapping turtles and ill-tempered mutated sea bass he kept in the cabin below deck.
Much later, they landed in the Russian country of Leningrad, realizing they had gone back in time to 1943. Megan blamed the Bermuda Triangle for taking them back in time. She was right.
In Leningrad they came across two companions called Nick and Missy. Nick and Missy were about to go on an adventure. You see, Nick and Missy weren't ordinary Russians. They were part of The Dream Team, the negative part, to be exact. Nick and Missy, along with Baige and Spencer, were the ultimate master debaters. Together they were unbeatable. McBain, Petoskey, Cadillac, St. Francis and West cowered in their presence. They had magic, until tragedy struck.
At that time in history, an evil dictator was chancelor of Germany. The evil dictator was rapidly gaining power, imprisoning TCC Master Debaters in concentration camps throughout western Europe. Nick and Missy escaped the terror, but Baige and Spencer weren't so lucky. The evil dictator, known more commonly as the Petoskey Coach, had tracked Baige and Spencer down and imprisoned them in Auschwitz. Nick and Missy were on their way to liberate Auschwitz when they met up with Andy, Adela, Megan, Les and Laundry. The group was very eager to help because Baige and Spencer were very beloved.
Just then, a russian named Mackenzie came up to the group with enough horses for everybody to double up. Andy had a little trouble mounting the horse because he was afraid of them, so Adela offered to let him mount her instead. Andy took the bait. While the group waited for them to finish, Megan wondered how they were going to get there.
"I know the way!" Andy gasped between mouthfuls of Adela. Fortunately Andy had visited the concentration camp many a time before for conjugal visits with Spencer. Adela moaned, and finally they were finished. They got back on the horses and were off.
The traveling took several days. The group forgot to pack food, so after six days they pulled a Donner Party and ate Les. Megan was sad, but she had her rainboots so it didn't bother her that much. Finally, they rode up to a gate with a sign on it that said Auschwitz.
Andy took out his pliers and cut the padlock, liberating the camp. Unfortunately, they were too late. One of the TCC Master Debater-turned-guard informed Laundry that she had just sent Baige and Spencer to the showers.
"Alright! Go Spencer! Get some!" Andy cheered. Nick and Missy ran to the gass chambers as Adela explained to Andy what it meant to take a shower at a concentration camp.
"That is so not serene," Andy lamented.
Meanwhile, Nick and Missy arrived at the entrance to the gas chambers. Pero hay un problema! The gate was locked! With his hair looking sexy pushed back, Nick rammed his shoulders into the steel door. As his broad shoulders and perfectly tanned abdominal muscles glistened in the sun, Nick ran to Spencer and Baige, performed CPR (perhaps a bit longer than necessary on Baige) and, miraculously, Baige and Spencer survived. Missy saw that the situation was under control, so she went off to find the evil dictator Petoskey coach. She found her in one of Andy and Spencer's conjugal trailers. Missy and the Petoskey Coach got into a huge debate about whether or not The United States Federal Government Should Substantially Increase its Public Health Assistance to Sub-Saharan Africa. Well, not for nothing was Missy the negative part of the dream team. She promptly won. So the evil dictator Petoskey coach, along with her new girlfriend Rita, shot themselves in the face.
Nick, Missy, Baige and Spencer met up again with the rest of the TCC Master Debaters to celebrate another success and to count up the casualties. Sadly, Aaron Trippe and Matt Madion did not make it. However no one could dwell on this for long. Everyone was too overwhelmed with the death of the evil dictator Petoskey Coach and the reunification of the Dream Team!
They all went back to America, kicked ass in league, and once again the dream team came in first place and got a big, shiny trophy.
The end.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Banana Rama
I was outraged after I read Metamorphosis. As far as I could tell, Gregor was a decent guy who supported his entire family. And they took him for granted! They did not once stop to worry about Gregor's life as a bug, all they cared about was that they were losing the material comforts they had grown accustomed to thanks to Gregor's hard work. When he turned into an insect they didn't even care about him. They called him a drain. They never learned to love him. In fact, they treated him like dirt. And then he died. He died! He never got to turn back into a human and seek retribution for the horrible things his family did to him. This was enough to ruin the story for me, but no! After Gregor's demise the family didn't even learn their lesson! Good things happened to them and they got everything they ever wished for. Where is the justice? Where is the moral? What kind of story punishes the good and rewards the evil? The bad kind, that's what kind! Rather than write my own story of a “metamorphosis,” I decided to try my hand at satire. The following is my attempt to expose the terrors and treachery of Kafka's The Metamorphosis.
“And they lived happily ever after,” Gracie said, closing the fairy tale.
“Thank you Gracie!” The orphans with low blood sugar yelled.
“Anytime,” Gracie said, smiling. She loved volunteering at Colgate's home for children every other day after work. The children's smiling faces always kept her coming back; often she spent a portion of her hard earned paycheck on clothes and toys for them.
“Will you be coming back tomorrow?” The children asked.
“I'm sorry, tomorrow I am going door to door to ask people if they can find room in their hearts to adopt the pets at the shelter, then I'm going to the soup kitchen to feed homeless people. But I'll be back the day after that!”
Gracie grabbed her tattered coat (she bought all her clothes secondhand so she could support her family, as she was the sole provider) and headed out to walk to her next destination.
“Thank you so much for everything, Gracie,” Andy, the orphanage director, said as Gracie walked by. “Couldn't you stay a bit longer?”
“I'm sorry, but I have a Girl Scout meeting at six, and it's 5:45 so I really should be going.” “Ok, that's fine,” Andy said, crestfallen. “I'll see you Monday.”
Gracie hurried to her meeting, stopping only briefly on her way to rescue a kitten out of a tree and help an old lady cross the street.
At her Girl Scout meeting, Gracie revealed that she had ordered everyone new uniforms, securing the funds to do so by selling sixty-two thousand boxes of Girl Scout cookies, which happened to be a world record.
Needless to say, by the time Gracie returned home, she was exhausted. Even so, she prepared her jobless father and whiny sister dinner, checked her sister's homework, and did the wash and dishes before finally falling into a deep sleep.
When Gracie woke up the next morning, she was upset to find that she had somehow turned into a banana! Randomly! With absolutely no provocation! She just inexplicably turned into a banana! It was crazy!
How am I going to go to work so I can support my family? She thought, dismayed. Oh no! How can I go door to door collecting money for the dogs as a banana? I don't have legs or opposable thumbs! And those poor homeless people and orphans, what am I going to do?
“Gracie!” Her little sister, Wendy, screamed, barging into her room. “I have been awake for twenty minutes! Where is my breakfast? Why are you still in --”
Wendy stopped, catching sight of her banana/sister. “What happened to you?”
“What's going on in here?” Gracie's dad, Tyler, yelled, bursting into her bedroom.
“Gracie turned into a banana!” Wendy whined.
“How dare you! Now who is going to work? How are we supposed to eat? Who is going to buy me Jack Daniels? God Gracie, you are so selfish!” Tyler yelled, spittle spraying out over Wendy's face and Gracie's banana peel.
If banana's could cry, Gracie would have bawled her eyes out. The guilt she felt about no longer being able to support her family was crushing. She sat in her room, wondering why on earth she had turned into a banana, of all things.
Meanwhile, her father and sister sat in the living room, bickering.
“Damn that Gracie!” Tyler screamed. “How dare she? I only have two bottles of Jack Daniels left! That'll last what, three hours? Then what? She was supposed to make a liquor run for me this afternoon! I can't believe she'd turn into a banana! She's such a horrible child!”
“I know!” Wendy agreed. “How could she do this to me? She should consider how her metamorphosis affects me. This is so bad for me! I feel so misunderstood! This affects me in such a negative way! Who is going to take me shopping? What about me?”
And so they went, back and forth, for many days. Soon, they ran out of prepared food.
“Daddy!” Wendy whined. “I'm hungry! And the only food we have left is a bunch of stuff you have to cook and vanilla ice cream! It's so unfair Daddy! I want some fruit! I'm craving some fruit and we don't have any!”
“I know sweetheart, but Daddy's going through withdrawal right now and he doesn't particularly care about your little problems!” Tyler snapped back at her.
“But Daddy!”
“Damn it Wendy, I'm hungry too! But you know I don't shop! The only person in this family who ever shopped was--”
“GRACIE!” They said simultaneously, the same mouth watering thought crossing their minds.
“How does a banana split sound?” Wendy asked viciously.
“Oh Gracie...” Tyler yelled.
They stalked into her room, picked her up (she had gone a little brown around the edges from feeling so guilty) and set her down on the kitchen table. Tyler peeled her, dished out some ice cream, sliced her in half, and then they greedily devoured her.
“That was delicious,” Wendy said, sated.
“Mmhm,” her father agreed, to full to move.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Come in!” They both yelled.
The door opened and a man carrying a huge piece of cardboard strutted in.
“Is this the Martin residence?” The man asked.
“No--” Wendy started to say, but Tyler, recognizing Ed McMahon and his million dollar check, interrupted her.
“Why yes, yes it is!” He lied.
“Congratulations!” Ed said. “You just won a million dollars!”
The Martins cashed their check, invested it in Google, and soon they had more money than they could ever imagine. Wendy married rich and Tyler got a job as a Jack Daniels taste tester and nothing bad ever happened to them. Ever. They never learned their lesson, they never had to pay for what they did to Gracie. They lived happily ever after as unethical, evil, hideous pigs.
The End.
“And they lived happily ever after,” Gracie said, closing the fairy tale.
“Thank you Gracie!” The orphans with low blood sugar yelled.
“Anytime,” Gracie said, smiling. She loved volunteering at Colgate's home for children every other day after work. The children's smiling faces always kept her coming back; often she spent a portion of her hard earned paycheck on clothes and toys for them.
“Will you be coming back tomorrow?” The children asked.
“I'm sorry, tomorrow I am going door to door to ask people if they can find room in their hearts to adopt the pets at the shelter, then I'm going to the soup kitchen to feed homeless people. But I'll be back the day after that!”
Gracie grabbed her tattered coat (she bought all her clothes secondhand so she could support her family, as she was the sole provider) and headed out to walk to her next destination.
“Thank you so much for everything, Gracie,” Andy, the orphanage director, said as Gracie walked by. “Couldn't you stay a bit longer?”
“I'm sorry, but I have a Girl Scout meeting at six, and it's 5:45 so I really should be going.” “Ok, that's fine,” Andy said, crestfallen. “I'll see you Monday.”
Gracie hurried to her meeting, stopping only briefly on her way to rescue a kitten out of a tree and help an old lady cross the street.
At her Girl Scout meeting, Gracie revealed that she had ordered everyone new uniforms, securing the funds to do so by selling sixty-two thousand boxes of Girl Scout cookies, which happened to be a world record.
Needless to say, by the time Gracie returned home, she was exhausted. Even so, she prepared her jobless father and whiny sister dinner, checked her sister's homework, and did the wash and dishes before finally falling into a deep sleep.
When Gracie woke up the next morning, she was upset to find that she had somehow turned into a banana! Randomly! With absolutely no provocation! She just inexplicably turned into a banana! It was crazy!
How am I going to go to work so I can support my family? She thought, dismayed. Oh no! How can I go door to door collecting money for the dogs as a banana? I don't have legs or opposable thumbs! And those poor homeless people and orphans, what am I going to do?
“Gracie!” Her little sister, Wendy, screamed, barging into her room. “I have been awake for twenty minutes! Where is my breakfast? Why are you still in --”
Wendy stopped, catching sight of her banana/sister. “What happened to you?”
“What's going on in here?” Gracie's dad, Tyler, yelled, bursting into her bedroom.
“Gracie turned into a banana!” Wendy whined.
“How dare you! Now who is going to work? How are we supposed to eat? Who is going to buy me Jack Daniels? God Gracie, you are so selfish!” Tyler yelled, spittle spraying out over Wendy's face and Gracie's banana peel.
If banana's could cry, Gracie would have bawled her eyes out. The guilt she felt about no longer being able to support her family was crushing. She sat in her room, wondering why on earth she had turned into a banana, of all things.
Meanwhile, her father and sister sat in the living room, bickering.
“Damn that Gracie!” Tyler screamed. “How dare she? I only have two bottles of Jack Daniels left! That'll last what, three hours? Then what? She was supposed to make a liquor run for me this afternoon! I can't believe she'd turn into a banana! She's such a horrible child!”
“I know!” Wendy agreed. “How could she do this to me? She should consider how her metamorphosis affects me. This is so bad for me! I feel so misunderstood! This affects me in such a negative way! Who is going to take me shopping? What about me?”
And so they went, back and forth, for many days. Soon, they ran out of prepared food.
“Daddy!” Wendy whined. “I'm hungry! And the only food we have left is a bunch of stuff you have to cook and vanilla ice cream! It's so unfair Daddy! I want some fruit! I'm craving some fruit and we don't have any!”
“I know sweetheart, but Daddy's going through withdrawal right now and he doesn't particularly care about your little problems!” Tyler snapped back at her.
“But Daddy!”
“Damn it Wendy, I'm hungry too! But you know I don't shop! The only person in this family who ever shopped was--”
“GRACIE!” They said simultaneously, the same mouth watering thought crossing their minds.
“How does a banana split sound?” Wendy asked viciously.
“Oh Gracie...” Tyler yelled.
They stalked into her room, picked her up (she had gone a little brown around the edges from feeling so guilty) and set her down on the kitchen table. Tyler peeled her, dished out some ice cream, sliced her in half, and then they greedily devoured her.
“That was delicious,” Wendy said, sated.
“Mmhm,” her father agreed, to full to move.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Come in!” They both yelled.
The door opened and a man carrying a huge piece of cardboard strutted in.
“Is this the Martin residence?” The man asked.
“No--” Wendy started to say, but Tyler, recognizing Ed McMahon and his million dollar check, interrupted her.
“Why yes, yes it is!” He lied.
“Congratulations!” Ed said. “You just won a million dollars!”
The Martins cashed their check, invested it in Google, and soon they had more money than they could ever imagine. Wendy married rich and Tyler got a job as a Jack Daniels taste tester and nothing bad ever happened to them. Ever. They never learned their lesson, they never had to pay for what they did to Gracie. They lived happily ever after as unethical, evil, hideous pigs.
The End.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Outstanding Moral Fiber
You are my best friend.
For you, brother, over backwards I'd bend.
You're the best person I've ever known.
I'm always in awe over the compassion you've shown.
You've always been my wall of strength.
I wish there was a way to tell you thanks.
Your humor never fails to make me smile.
With you, regardless of how I feel, I know I'll be fine in a while.
Now that you're gone, and so far away,
Sometimes it gets hard, to think of the right thing to say.
But I know that when I need you, you'll always be there
Similar to Brangelina, I know you'll always care.
For you, brother, over backwards I'd bend.
You're the best person I've ever known.
I'm always in awe over the compassion you've shown.
You've always been my wall of strength.
I wish there was a way to tell you thanks.
Your humor never fails to make me smile.
With you, regardless of how I feel, I know I'll be fine in a while.
Now that you're gone, and so far away,
Sometimes it gets hard, to think of the right thing to say.
But I know that when I need you, you'll always be there
Similar to Brangelina, I know you'll always care.
Cowboy Take Them Away!
Oh those darn Dixie Chicks!
Ya'll a bunch of inbred hicks!
Hope you enjoyed your short bit of fame,
Now your ghosts haunt music row in shame.
You used to have talent, beauty and fans,
'Til Toby Keith knocked you flat on your cans!
Your promise is gone, your candles burnt out,
It's just too bad you've lost all your clout!
You've ruined your shot, ended your careers
Nobody feels for you when you shed your tears.
Nashville has no room for you nor your drama
When Toby Keith wins another CMA, go cry to your mama!
Ya'll a bunch of inbred hicks!
Hope you enjoyed your short bit of fame,
Now your ghosts haunt music row in shame.
You used to have talent, beauty and fans,
'Til Toby Keith knocked you flat on your cans!
Your promise is gone, your candles burnt out,
It's just too bad you've lost all your clout!
You've ruined your shot, ended your careers
Nobody feels for you when you shed your tears.
Nashville has no room for you nor your drama
When Toby Keith wins another CMA, go cry to your mama!
Unattraction
I really really hate
your bright red face.
Everywhere you go
it's always out of place.
Your pointy teeth
are obnoxious as well.
They remind me of
the gateway to Hell.
Your torso is short,
defectively so,
I almost feel bad that God
gave you this hard row to hoe.
Judgemental, jaded, jealous,
that's you.
If you died, society'd benefit,
it's true.
Your face smells like throw up,
just so you know.
I'd rather eat my own arm
than give us another go.
I wish I'd never met you,
I guess I always will
You have taught me I'm not morally against murder,
I just wish I had the nerve to kill.
And just in case you're listening,
I guess I must confess
I never really liked you,
you were always second best.
Your mind always spoke more to me
than your heart ever could.
I guess I put more faith in you
than anyone ever should.
I gave you a chance,
thinking you were true.
But now that I know you, I've discovered
your inside is ugly too.
your bright red face.
Everywhere you go
it's always out of place.
Your pointy teeth
are obnoxious as well.
They remind me of
the gateway to Hell.
Your torso is short,
defectively so,
I almost feel bad that God
gave you this hard row to hoe.
Judgemental, jaded, jealous,
that's you.
If you died, society'd benefit,
it's true.
Your face smells like throw up,
just so you know.
I'd rather eat my own arm
than give us another go.
I wish I'd never met you,
I guess I always will
You have taught me I'm not morally against murder,
I just wish I had the nerve to kill.
And just in case you're listening,
I guess I must confess
I never really liked you,
you were always second best.
Your mind always spoke more to me
than your heart ever could.
I guess I put more faith in you
than anyone ever should.
I gave you a chance,
thinking you were true.
But now that I know you, I've discovered
your inside is ugly too.
31 Flavors of Dialogue
“Welcome to Baskin Robins! My name is Skip, and I'll be your scooper today. What can I get for you?”
Willy meandered up to the counter. “Hey Skip. I think I'll take... oh God!”
“Sir, are you having a heart attack? I've read about the effects of heart attacks on family members, is your family prepared for this?” Skip asked, a little nosily.
“I'm not having a heart attack, though with the clogging in my arteries I'm sure one is bound to be on it's way. No son, I'm having a different kind of attack today,” Willy wheezed.
“What kind?” Skip asked again, hoping to use this man as an example for a class he had later tonight.
“Have you ever felt so guilty about something that you start to feel your soul die?” Willy asked.
“No,” Skip answered. “Can't say I have...”
“Ok stop pressuring me! I admit it! I skipped Weight Watchers today so I could come here and get ice cream! I'm weak! Don't you think I realize that I'm morbidly obese? Of course I do! And I want to be skinny but I can't. I have no will power man! I've never been skinny. You know what they call me?” Willy asked, reaching his stride.
“No sir, um can I recommend some low-fat vanilla?” asked Skip timidly.
“Low-fat? See, I bet you don't ask him if he wants low-fat!” Willy gestured wildly at the scrawny teenager who just walked in. “Of course you don't! Because he's skinny and beautiful. When I was that age do you know what they called me? Free Willy! After a freakin' whale! I bet he has a cool name like Slim or Tree. Is that what they call you tough guy?”
The teenager just stared at Willy.
“Of course they do! You know what Skip? I'll take some frozen yogurt, to go! How 'bout that Slim? I'm taking my yogurt and running to weight watchers! Who's a fatty now, Slim? Who's a fatty now?”
With a maniacal laugh, Willy left the store.
“Um, hey. Welcome to Baskin Robbins, I'm Skip. What can I get for you?” Skip asked, an apologetic look on his face.
After much debate, the scrawny teenager came to a decision. “I'll take chocolate. It's dark. Dark like my soul.”
“Oh a student of Freud I see! You know, he did say that childhood experiences as well as the dark sexual desires of the unconscious stimulate our behavior,” Skip reeled off, sounding, as usual, as if he had just swallowed a textbook.
“I don't need your analysis. You don't understand me, nobody does! Except my lord, the dark prince,” the teenager said.
“What was that? I didn't catch that, sorry,” said Skip.
“You'll all be sorry one day...” muttered the boy.
That one Skip heard perfectly. “Ok kid, why don't you pay for your ice cream and take your little Ted Bundy wannabe butt out of my store and never come back again.”
The teenager left with his black soul ice cream, nearly knocking over a tall, pretty blond.
“Excuse you,” she murmured, watching him sprint down the street.
As she walked in, Skip wondered if this is what heaven was like. She was a complete babe. Her long, blonde hair seemed to glow as it caught the sunlight, and she had miles upon miles of legs, accentuated nicely by her white dress. As he checked her out, he couldn't help thinking that the guys would be so jealous if he showed up to the frat party tonight with her on his arm.
“Ma'am I am so sorry about that!” Skip finally managed, the fantasies in his mind evident by the drool on his face.
“No worries,” the blond said vaguely. “Daddy'll take care of him.”
“Daddy?” Skip asked, thinking she was a super star's daughter.
“Yes, he's quite famous,” the blond said, confirming Skip's suspicions.
“Oh perhaps I've heard of him!” Skip spat a little bit, as he often did when he was overly excited. “What's his name?”
The blond smiled. “Zeus. He's the God of basically everything. If you're nice to me I'll put in a good word for you,” she said, winking.
“Right...” said Skip, doubting her sanity.
“And what's your name?”
“I'm Parthenia, modern day goddess of all things beautiful. Just like me!”
“Well you are beautiful, can't argue with that,” Skip agreed. “However I don't know that you're actually sane...”
His remark sent Parthenia's eyes ablaze. “It doesn't do to anger Zeus by insulting his most beautiful daughter. A thousand curses on your house! You'll be sorry!”
Just at that moment, a lady with a long white lab coat walked in.
“Parthenia! Girl you know you're not supposed to leave the group. The administration'll tan my hide if they knew you got away from me again. Do you want to go back into the padded room?” she asked.
“Zeus would never allow it! As soon as I get back to Mt. Olympus, I'll...I'll...” Parthenia stuttered.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on Parthenia, back to the hospital.” The woman ushered Parthenia back out to the street, it was now crowded with what were clearly mental patients. Just before she left, she turned to Skip.
“Sorry to bother you young man,” she said. “I was just taking a smoke and she got outta my sight. She's harmless, really. Just suffers from-”
“Delusions!” Skip interrupted triumphantly. “Yes I've read about them. If you'd let me spend a few moments studying her-”
“Studying? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Don't think just because I've aged somewhat that I don't know what you young lads are thinking about! I can see it in your eyes you little sex hound!”
“No, you don't understand! That's not what I-”
“Boy you better not come near her again. She may be crazy, but we protect our own out there at the institution. I'll skin you alive if you try to take advantage of Parthenia!” She turned on her heels and stalked out.
Parthenia and her warden seemed to be Skip's last customers of the day. The next couple of hours passed very slow for Skip. Finally when the big clock on the wall reached 4:45, Skip decided to pack it in for the day. He took off his triangular hat and set it on the counter, thus beginning the closing ritual he'd long since perfected. After putting lids on the ice cream containers and putting the scoopers in a bucket of hot water to rinse, Skip again checked the clock. 4:52.“Might as well close early,” He said to himself. He started toward the door with the intent to flip the open sign when suddenly the door flung open and a man bounded in.
“Is there anyone behind me?” he asked, breathless.
“Um, no, not that I can see,” Skip began. “But listen man we're about to-”Skip stopped mid-sentence as the man turned around and revealed his face. The resemblance between him and Skip was uncanny.
“Look man,” the man said. “We've only got a few moments before the police come in! I need you to hide me quick!”
“What?” Skip asked, bewildered.
“Look man, they're after me! If they're not here already they will be any second! For the love of all things holy, hide me!”
“Ok,” Skip agreed. What a wonderful anecdote this would be for his psychology class! “Here, hide under the counter. That's it. So...What exactly did you do?”
“You see this light saber?” The man asked, gesturing to the stick he had stuck in the back of his pants.
“Yeah...”
“Well, I was waving it around time square and humming the Star Wars theme song really loud!”
“And...”
“And then I saw a donut monger! And I knew he was after me!”
“Donut monger?”
“Bluecoat! Swine! Popo!”
“Oh, the police! I gotcha. Wait, why would the police be after you?”
“Disturbing the peace!” The man said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I can't go to jail man, you don't know the psychological effects prison can have on you!”
“Well actually I do!” Skip assured him. “There's--”
Just then, a police officer walked into the store. The man under the counter tensed up, but Skip greeted him with his usual speech.
“Just a moment,” the officer said, backing out of the store with a cell phone in his hand. “I have to take this.”
“What the heck do you think you're doing Skip?” the man asked, a crazed look in his eye.
“Serving ice cream...” Skip said, turning around to grab a scooper.
“Then I'm really sorry I have to do this.”
The man grabbed his life saber and smashed it down against the back of Skip's head. Skip crumpled to the floor. The man grabbed his body and dragged it to the back of the store where they made their special homemade ice cream. This week, the special was Cheery Cherry. The man stripped Skip and threw him into the vat of cherries about to be chopped.
“Sorry man,” he said, looking mournfully down at Skip's mutilated body. “I can't go to jail.”
He threw his own clothes in the employee's lost and found and quickly changed into Skip's clothes. He returned to the front of the store just as the officer walked back in.
“Welcome to Baskin Robins!” he said, picking up the hat from the counter and pulling it on his head. “My name is Skip and I'll be your scooper today. Can I interest you in some Cheery Cherry?”
Willy meandered up to the counter. “Hey Skip. I think I'll take... oh God!”
“Sir, are you having a heart attack? I've read about the effects of heart attacks on family members, is your family prepared for this?” Skip asked, a little nosily.
“I'm not having a heart attack, though with the clogging in my arteries I'm sure one is bound to be on it's way. No son, I'm having a different kind of attack today,” Willy wheezed.
“What kind?” Skip asked again, hoping to use this man as an example for a class he had later tonight.
“Have you ever felt so guilty about something that you start to feel your soul die?” Willy asked.
“No,” Skip answered. “Can't say I have...”
“Ok stop pressuring me! I admit it! I skipped Weight Watchers today so I could come here and get ice cream! I'm weak! Don't you think I realize that I'm morbidly obese? Of course I do! And I want to be skinny but I can't. I have no will power man! I've never been skinny. You know what they call me?” Willy asked, reaching his stride.
“No sir, um can I recommend some low-fat vanilla?” asked Skip timidly.
“Low-fat? See, I bet you don't ask him if he wants low-fat!” Willy gestured wildly at the scrawny teenager who just walked in. “Of course you don't! Because he's skinny and beautiful. When I was that age do you know what they called me? Free Willy! After a freakin' whale! I bet he has a cool name like Slim or Tree. Is that what they call you tough guy?”
The teenager just stared at Willy.
“Of course they do! You know what Skip? I'll take some frozen yogurt, to go! How 'bout that Slim? I'm taking my yogurt and running to weight watchers! Who's a fatty now, Slim? Who's a fatty now?”
With a maniacal laugh, Willy left the store.
“Um, hey. Welcome to Baskin Robbins, I'm Skip. What can I get for you?” Skip asked, an apologetic look on his face.
After much debate, the scrawny teenager came to a decision. “I'll take chocolate. It's dark. Dark like my soul.”
“Oh a student of Freud I see! You know, he did say that childhood experiences as well as the dark sexual desires of the unconscious stimulate our behavior,” Skip reeled off, sounding, as usual, as if he had just swallowed a textbook.
“I don't need your analysis. You don't understand me, nobody does! Except my lord, the dark prince,” the teenager said.
“What was that? I didn't catch that, sorry,” said Skip.
“You'll all be sorry one day...” muttered the boy.
That one Skip heard perfectly. “Ok kid, why don't you pay for your ice cream and take your little Ted Bundy wannabe butt out of my store and never come back again.”
The teenager left with his black soul ice cream, nearly knocking over a tall, pretty blond.
“Excuse you,” she murmured, watching him sprint down the street.
As she walked in, Skip wondered if this is what heaven was like. She was a complete babe. Her long, blonde hair seemed to glow as it caught the sunlight, and she had miles upon miles of legs, accentuated nicely by her white dress. As he checked her out, he couldn't help thinking that the guys would be so jealous if he showed up to the frat party tonight with her on his arm.
“Ma'am I am so sorry about that!” Skip finally managed, the fantasies in his mind evident by the drool on his face.
“No worries,” the blond said vaguely. “Daddy'll take care of him.”
“Daddy?” Skip asked, thinking she was a super star's daughter.
“Yes, he's quite famous,” the blond said, confirming Skip's suspicions.
“Oh perhaps I've heard of him!” Skip spat a little bit, as he often did when he was overly excited. “What's his name?”
The blond smiled. “Zeus. He's the God of basically everything. If you're nice to me I'll put in a good word for you,” she said, winking.
“Right...” said Skip, doubting her sanity.
“And what's your name?”
“I'm Parthenia, modern day goddess of all things beautiful. Just like me!”
“Well you are beautiful, can't argue with that,” Skip agreed. “However I don't know that you're actually sane...”
His remark sent Parthenia's eyes ablaze. “It doesn't do to anger Zeus by insulting his most beautiful daughter. A thousand curses on your house! You'll be sorry!”
Just at that moment, a lady with a long white lab coat walked in.
“Parthenia! Girl you know you're not supposed to leave the group. The administration'll tan my hide if they knew you got away from me again. Do you want to go back into the padded room?” she asked.
“Zeus would never allow it! As soon as I get back to Mt. Olympus, I'll...I'll...” Parthenia stuttered.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on Parthenia, back to the hospital.” The woman ushered Parthenia back out to the street, it was now crowded with what were clearly mental patients. Just before she left, she turned to Skip.
“Sorry to bother you young man,” she said. “I was just taking a smoke and she got outta my sight. She's harmless, really. Just suffers from-”
“Delusions!” Skip interrupted triumphantly. “Yes I've read about them. If you'd let me spend a few moments studying her-”
“Studying? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Don't think just because I've aged somewhat that I don't know what you young lads are thinking about! I can see it in your eyes you little sex hound!”
“No, you don't understand! That's not what I-”
“Boy you better not come near her again. She may be crazy, but we protect our own out there at the institution. I'll skin you alive if you try to take advantage of Parthenia!” She turned on her heels and stalked out.
Parthenia and her warden seemed to be Skip's last customers of the day. The next couple of hours passed very slow for Skip. Finally when the big clock on the wall reached 4:45, Skip decided to pack it in for the day. He took off his triangular hat and set it on the counter, thus beginning the closing ritual he'd long since perfected. After putting lids on the ice cream containers and putting the scoopers in a bucket of hot water to rinse, Skip again checked the clock. 4:52.“Might as well close early,” He said to himself. He started toward the door with the intent to flip the open sign when suddenly the door flung open and a man bounded in.
“Is there anyone behind me?” he asked, breathless.
“Um, no, not that I can see,” Skip began. “But listen man we're about to-”Skip stopped mid-sentence as the man turned around and revealed his face. The resemblance between him and Skip was uncanny.
“Look man,” the man said. “We've only got a few moments before the police come in! I need you to hide me quick!”
“What?” Skip asked, bewildered.
“Look man, they're after me! If they're not here already they will be any second! For the love of all things holy, hide me!”
“Ok,” Skip agreed. What a wonderful anecdote this would be for his psychology class! “Here, hide under the counter. That's it. So...What exactly did you do?”
“You see this light saber?” The man asked, gesturing to the stick he had stuck in the back of his pants.
“Yeah...”
“Well, I was waving it around time square and humming the Star Wars theme song really loud!”
“And...”
“And then I saw a donut monger! And I knew he was after me!”
“Donut monger?”
“Bluecoat! Swine! Popo!”
“Oh, the police! I gotcha. Wait, why would the police be after you?”
“Disturbing the peace!” The man said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I can't go to jail man, you don't know the psychological effects prison can have on you!”
“Well actually I do!” Skip assured him. “There's--”
Just then, a police officer walked into the store. The man under the counter tensed up, but Skip greeted him with his usual speech.
“Just a moment,” the officer said, backing out of the store with a cell phone in his hand. “I have to take this.”
“What the heck do you think you're doing Skip?” the man asked, a crazed look in his eye.
“Serving ice cream...” Skip said, turning around to grab a scooper.
“Then I'm really sorry I have to do this.”
The man grabbed his life saber and smashed it down against the back of Skip's head. Skip crumpled to the floor. The man grabbed his body and dragged it to the back of the store where they made their special homemade ice cream. This week, the special was Cheery Cherry. The man stripped Skip and threw him into the vat of cherries about to be chopped.
“Sorry man,” he said, looking mournfully down at Skip's mutilated body. “I can't go to jail.”
He threw his own clothes in the employee's lost and found and quickly changed into Skip's clothes. He returned to the front of the store just as the officer walked back in.
“Welcome to Baskin Robins!” he said, picking up the hat from the counter and pulling it on his head. “My name is Skip and I'll be your scooper today. Can I interest you in some Cheery Cherry?”
Essexeville
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Audrey. She had long, shining golden hair and soft, trusting brown eyes. As she grew, suitors came from far and wide to marvel at her beauty and try to win her hand, however none were successful. Sadly, when she turned seventeen, her kingdom fell on hard times, and her parents were forced to marry her off to a King in the far away land of Essexeville in order to pay off their debts.
Unbeknownst to Audrey's family, Essexeville was about to suffer great perils. Their King, the oldest of two children, was very weak-willed and easily swayed, and was only the King because he was first born, as tradition dictated. Tradition also mandated that a King find a wife before he was twenty-five, and the King had only one year left before he was forced to abdicate his throne. Thus, his cabinet arranged the marriage between him and Audrey. The Kingdom rejoiced at the match, for even though the King was weak, he was very kind and beloved. However some in the kingdom were not at all pleased by the match, and so a plot was hatched to oust the King.
The king's brother, James, was an evil man. He was the head conspirator in the plot to overthrow the King. His plan was simple. He scoured the neighboring kingdoms in search of a low income woman with questionable morals. His quest brought him to a woman named Adela. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, with long, curly dark hair and coffee colored skin. She was very sensual, a woman well aware of her wiles, and certainly not afraid to use them. He told her of her role in his plot to oust the king, and he offered her a large sum of money to go along with it. She accepted, and the two returned to the palace.
When James and Adela arrived at the castle, the King was taken aback at the blatant sexuality of his brother's companion. She was everything he had ever fantasized about, as James well knew. Audrey, being the kind-hearted, naïve girl that she was, immediately befriended Adela and invited her to stay in the palace for as long as she'd like. Adela accepted, of course.
Night after night, Adela crept into the king's bedchamber. Every morning she'd awake in his arms, listening to the canaries sing. Soon, as James predicted, Adela was with child. It was the scandal of the century. The King immediately called a council with his brother, for he hadn't the faintest idea how to deal with the situation. The King knew very well that a bastard child would never be fit to rule their kingdom. He also knew that the penalty for such a crime was death by a jousting starter pistol. He had been that the precedent for such a situation was to drown the illegitimate child and his mother in the nearby servant's well. But he loved Adela, and he loved their child. He knew he could not stand by and watch them drown.
James, convinced of his brother's earnestness, advised him to steal away with Adela that very night to live as a woodcutter in the forests on the borders of the kingdom. He told the King that he would tell their subjects that the King had died in the night, a victim of the Avian flu. The King immediately agreed, then hurried away for a clandestine liaison with Adela and to pack his things.
After seeing his brother off with a promise that he'd never return to the castle again, James knew he was triumphant. Finally, the palace, the kingdom, the subjects, all his! He could instill the reign of terror he'd been dreaming of since his childhood. He licked his lips tantalizingly at the prospect of invading and conquering all the neighboring kingdoms, pillaging their houses, enslaving the men, his soldiers taking the women at their leisure. He couldn't wait for the morning when he made the announcement to the kingdom of their beloved king's “death.”
Suddenly, he heard a noise coming from the chamber on his left. Audrey's chamber. He opened the door and there, sitting on the window sill, were Audrey and a tiny canary, looking as if they were conversing. Audrey looked at him with terror in her eyes. With a jolt, James realized that Audrey was able to talk to birds, and this particular canary had told her everything about The King, Adela and his dastardly plot! Without a second thought, James leaped across the room, grabbed Audrey roughly by the arm, and hauled her down to the dark stairways of the palace to lock her in the dungeon.
Audrey stayed there for many days, growing weaker and weaker from hunger. She was forced to live only on gruel, for the old and decrepit guard they stuck her with was also an evil man and withheld all the tastiest victuals alloted for Audrey for himself. His greed was short-lived though, and three days later he fell, age and evil taking away his last breath.
The replacement guard was young and very handsome. He fell for Audrey the moment he saw her. His name was Dylan.
It took many days for Audrey to trust Dylan, but when she finally let down her guard she learned he was a slave, captured from her country by Essexeville's soldiers and forced to work for a King he did not respect. They spent every day together, and soon they developed a plot capture the palace and restore Essexeville to a country of peace and prosperity.
When their plan was finalized, Dylan unlocked the door to Audrey's dungeon. Together they stole out of the castle and into the woods where Dylan had an army of fellow slaves and friendly woodland creatures waiting. There were even soldiers from James' armies there, lurking in the shadows, ready to fight against their tyrannical king but ashamed to join in the festivities due to the terrible deeds they had done per James' request.
That night, the army of miscreants stormed the castle. They fought a long and bloody battle, with casualties on both sides, until there was finally a clear end. Dylan's army, victorious, called the cowardly “king” out of his bedchamber and forced him to take responsibility for his deeds. His former soldiers took him firmly by the lapels and dragged him off to the servant's well and drowned him. Finally, James' reign of terror was over.
Everyone in the kingdom was thrilled with the ousting of James, however the problem remained that Essexeville was without a leader. Audrey came up with the idea of turning Essexeville into a republic, and Dylan was voted president where he served, Audrey by his side, for six terms, turning Essexeville into a peaceful and prosperous country once again.
Unbeknownst to Audrey's family, Essexeville was about to suffer great perils. Their King, the oldest of two children, was very weak-willed and easily swayed, and was only the King because he was first born, as tradition dictated. Tradition also mandated that a King find a wife before he was twenty-five, and the King had only one year left before he was forced to abdicate his throne. Thus, his cabinet arranged the marriage between him and Audrey. The Kingdom rejoiced at the match, for even though the King was weak, he was very kind and beloved. However some in the kingdom were not at all pleased by the match, and so a plot was hatched to oust the King.
The king's brother, James, was an evil man. He was the head conspirator in the plot to overthrow the King. His plan was simple. He scoured the neighboring kingdoms in search of a low income woman with questionable morals. His quest brought him to a woman named Adela. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, with long, curly dark hair and coffee colored skin. She was very sensual, a woman well aware of her wiles, and certainly not afraid to use them. He told her of her role in his plot to oust the king, and he offered her a large sum of money to go along with it. She accepted, and the two returned to the palace.
When James and Adela arrived at the castle, the King was taken aback at the blatant sexuality of his brother's companion. She was everything he had ever fantasized about, as James well knew. Audrey, being the kind-hearted, naïve girl that she was, immediately befriended Adela and invited her to stay in the palace for as long as she'd like. Adela accepted, of course.
Night after night, Adela crept into the king's bedchamber. Every morning she'd awake in his arms, listening to the canaries sing. Soon, as James predicted, Adela was with child. It was the scandal of the century. The King immediately called a council with his brother, for he hadn't the faintest idea how to deal with the situation. The King knew very well that a bastard child would never be fit to rule their kingdom. He also knew that the penalty for such a crime was death by a jousting starter pistol. He had been that the precedent for such a situation was to drown the illegitimate child and his mother in the nearby servant's well. But he loved Adela, and he loved their child. He knew he could not stand by and watch them drown.
James, convinced of his brother's earnestness, advised him to steal away with Adela that very night to live as a woodcutter in the forests on the borders of the kingdom. He told the King that he would tell their subjects that the King had died in the night, a victim of the Avian flu. The King immediately agreed, then hurried away for a clandestine liaison with Adela and to pack his things.
After seeing his brother off with a promise that he'd never return to the castle again, James knew he was triumphant. Finally, the palace, the kingdom, the subjects, all his! He could instill the reign of terror he'd been dreaming of since his childhood. He licked his lips tantalizingly at the prospect of invading and conquering all the neighboring kingdoms, pillaging their houses, enslaving the men, his soldiers taking the women at their leisure. He couldn't wait for the morning when he made the announcement to the kingdom of their beloved king's “death.”
Suddenly, he heard a noise coming from the chamber on his left. Audrey's chamber. He opened the door and there, sitting on the window sill, were Audrey and a tiny canary, looking as if they were conversing. Audrey looked at him with terror in her eyes. With a jolt, James realized that Audrey was able to talk to birds, and this particular canary had told her everything about The King, Adela and his dastardly plot! Without a second thought, James leaped across the room, grabbed Audrey roughly by the arm, and hauled her down to the dark stairways of the palace to lock her in the dungeon.
Audrey stayed there for many days, growing weaker and weaker from hunger. She was forced to live only on gruel, for the old and decrepit guard they stuck her with was also an evil man and withheld all the tastiest victuals alloted for Audrey for himself. His greed was short-lived though, and three days later he fell, age and evil taking away his last breath.
The replacement guard was young and very handsome. He fell for Audrey the moment he saw her. His name was Dylan.
It took many days for Audrey to trust Dylan, but when she finally let down her guard she learned he was a slave, captured from her country by Essexeville's soldiers and forced to work for a King he did not respect. They spent every day together, and soon they developed a plot capture the palace and restore Essexeville to a country of peace and prosperity.
When their plan was finalized, Dylan unlocked the door to Audrey's dungeon. Together they stole out of the castle and into the woods where Dylan had an army of fellow slaves and friendly woodland creatures waiting. There were even soldiers from James' armies there, lurking in the shadows, ready to fight against their tyrannical king but ashamed to join in the festivities due to the terrible deeds they had done per James' request.
That night, the army of miscreants stormed the castle. They fought a long and bloody battle, with casualties on both sides, until there was finally a clear end. Dylan's army, victorious, called the cowardly “king” out of his bedchamber and forced him to take responsibility for his deeds. His former soldiers took him firmly by the lapels and dragged him off to the servant's well and drowned him. Finally, James' reign of terror was over.
Everyone in the kingdom was thrilled with the ousting of James, however the problem remained that Essexeville was without a leader. Audrey came up with the idea of turning Essexeville into a republic, and Dylan was voted president where he served, Audrey by his side, for six terms, turning Essexeville into a peaceful and prosperous country once again.
The fall
Mackenzie is on top of her penthouse apartment, as near to the ledge as she could possibly be. The past few weeks have taken an incredible toll on her, she looks sickeningly pale, more like a ghost than a seventeen year old girl. Under better circumstances she is beautiful, with her curly red hair and brilliant blue-grey eyes. Usually she took exemplary care of herself, but today her curls were tangled and ratty, and her normally flaming red hair has faded as though it was a piece of clothing washed too many times. But it is her eyes that distinguish her most from her normal character. They used to laugh, they used to brighten the world. Now they are solid grey, tormented, dead. Because she knows the truth. She knows betrayal, agony, and pain. She knows that she has been forever altered, that the world doesn't care. She knows there is no God. But today what she doesn't know is whether or not there is hope. She wants to jump, to end this charade people call life, because she hasn't been alive in three weeks. She is a shell. Her soul fled long ago, an act of preservation because something so pure could no longer dwell in a body as dirty as hers. Because Mackenzie was raped by her sister's boyfriend. And she knows that she can never tell anyone. She'd never inflict this kind of pain on anyone, let alone her sister and best friend. Suddenly the door to the roof opens and she hears her name being called.
Audrey [sobbing]- Mackenzie! I thought I'd find you up here. I need to talk to you. Mack, I can't deal with it. It's Spencer, he- [her voice breaks]
Mackenzie looks up, this is the moment she has been dreading since that fateful night three weeks ago. She should have jumped when she had the chance, yet, oddly enough, her sister was the one thing that stopped her.
Audrey [looking completely broken]- Spencer cheated on me Mack. He had sex with some other girl. How could he do that? He told me he loved me, and he lied. I don't understand!
Mackenzie [whispers]- What did he tell you?
Audrey- I got off the bus and he was at the station, waiting for me. I ran up to him and threw my arms around him and kissed him because I missed him so much. But he wasn't responsive, so I broke away and asked what's wrong. He took my hand and sat me on a bench and he told me that something happened while I was away. He told me that he met someone else, and he had sex with her. He had sex with her! While he was still with me! How could he do that? He told me that it meant nothing, that he still loved me, that the girl he was with seduced him. He said she cornered him and just started making out with him and that he just couldn't stop. He told me he missed me so much, and that I didn't understand how much pain my leaving had caused him. But I don't understand, I was only at camp for three weeks! He told me everything, what she was wearing, what they said, and I just sat there and took it all in. I just sat there Mack, I couldn't think, I was frozen. Finally I interrupted him, and I asked him who she was.
Mackenzie backed away, panic written all over her face. So this was the way he was going to play it. She might have known.
Mackenzie- [even quieter] What did he say?
Audrey- He wouldn't tell me the name. But I'll find out. And when I do I'm going to kill that-- that-- slut! He told me she knew he had a girlfriend but she just wouldn't take no for an answer and he felt sorry for her. I don't know what to do! I love him so much, but this, this I don't think I can forgive. He told me I was the only girl he ever loved. He told me I was the only one for him. And I believed him. How could I have been so blind? What is wrong with me? I hate him! I hate him how could he do that!? This is the worst feeling in the world. I have never felt so betrayed. He said I knew the girl, but I don't know of anyone who would be capable of something as terrible as this. How could anyone be so cold, so heartless?
Guilt, shame, agony, Mackenzie wasn't sure which emotion was playing on her features right now, all she knew was that her careful mask had slipped away, and her sister was about to discover everything.
Audrey- Mackenzie, what are you thinking? Why are you so quiet? What's wrong with you? Why do you look like that? You look as if, as if...Did you know about this?
Mackenzie looked into her sisters eyes and read the betrayal, now, as ever, she knew she couldn't lie to her sister. They were two halves of the same whole. Regardless of what Mackenzie said, Audrey would know the truth.
Mackenzie [barely audible]- Yes.
Audrey- Who was it? Mackenzie you have to tell me I'm you're sister you owe it to me more than whoever you're protecting! It was one of your friends, wasn't it? That's the only reason you wouldn't have told me. Who was it? Was it Alison? I can't believe you'd protect Alison over me! What kind of sister are you? How could you not tell me? Aren't I more important to you than she is?
Mackenzie- It wasn't Alison.
Audrey- Not Alison? Then who could it be? Paige? Megan? Hope?
Mackenzie- No.
Audrey- Then who...NO!
Realization colored Audrey's face. It was soon replaced with shock, followed quickly by agony. This was a new pain, even worse than when she learned of Spencer's infidelity. This was a thousand knives stabbing her repeatedly up and down her back. This was someone cutting through her chest with a dull scalpel and ripping out her heart with his bare hands.
Audrey- How could you do this to me?!? YOU ARE MY SISTER! MY FLESH AND BLOOD! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Mackenzie- No! It's not what you're thinking Audrey! I would never--
Audrey- Oh so you're going to deny it? You owe me the truth Mackenzie. And I'll know if you lie. Did you and Spencer have sex?
Mackenzie [consumed with guilt, the fear that it had been all her fault rekindled by the agony in her identical twin sister's eyes]- Yes.
That was all it took. Audrey, delirious with fury, lashed out and shoved her sister in her blinding anger.Mackenzie took one step backwards and balanced precariously on the edge for a moment. Then she fell.
Audrey [sobbing]- Mackenzie! I thought I'd find you up here. I need to talk to you. Mack, I can't deal with it. It's Spencer, he- [her voice breaks]
Mackenzie looks up, this is the moment she has been dreading since that fateful night three weeks ago. She should have jumped when she had the chance, yet, oddly enough, her sister was the one thing that stopped her.
Audrey [looking completely broken]- Spencer cheated on me Mack. He had sex with some other girl. How could he do that? He told me he loved me, and he lied. I don't understand!
Mackenzie [whispers]- What did he tell you?
Audrey- I got off the bus and he was at the station, waiting for me. I ran up to him and threw my arms around him and kissed him because I missed him so much. But he wasn't responsive, so I broke away and asked what's wrong. He took my hand and sat me on a bench and he told me that something happened while I was away. He told me that he met someone else, and he had sex with her. He had sex with her! While he was still with me! How could he do that? He told me that it meant nothing, that he still loved me, that the girl he was with seduced him. He said she cornered him and just started making out with him and that he just couldn't stop. He told me he missed me so much, and that I didn't understand how much pain my leaving had caused him. But I don't understand, I was only at camp for three weeks! He told me everything, what she was wearing, what they said, and I just sat there and took it all in. I just sat there Mack, I couldn't think, I was frozen. Finally I interrupted him, and I asked him who she was.
Mackenzie backed away, panic written all over her face. So this was the way he was going to play it. She might have known.
Mackenzie- [even quieter] What did he say?
Audrey- He wouldn't tell me the name. But I'll find out. And when I do I'm going to kill that-- that-- slut! He told me she knew he had a girlfriend but she just wouldn't take no for an answer and he felt sorry for her. I don't know what to do! I love him so much, but this, this I don't think I can forgive. He told me I was the only girl he ever loved. He told me I was the only one for him. And I believed him. How could I have been so blind? What is wrong with me? I hate him! I hate him how could he do that!? This is the worst feeling in the world. I have never felt so betrayed. He said I knew the girl, but I don't know of anyone who would be capable of something as terrible as this. How could anyone be so cold, so heartless?
Guilt, shame, agony, Mackenzie wasn't sure which emotion was playing on her features right now, all she knew was that her careful mask had slipped away, and her sister was about to discover everything.
Audrey- Mackenzie, what are you thinking? Why are you so quiet? What's wrong with you? Why do you look like that? You look as if, as if...Did you know about this?
Mackenzie looked into her sisters eyes and read the betrayal, now, as ever, she knew she couldn't lie to her sister. They were two halves of the same whole. Regardless of what Mackenzie said, Audrey would know the truth.
Mackenzie [barely audible]- Yes.
Audrey- Who was it? Mackenzie you have to tell me I'm you're sister you owe it to me more than whoever you're protecting! It was one of your friends, wasn't it? That's the only reason you wouldn't have told me. Who was it? Was it Alison? I can't believe you'd protect Alison over me! What kind of sister are you? How could you not tell me? Aren't I more important to you than she is?
Mackenzie- It wasn't Alison.
Audrey- Not Alison? Then who could it be? Paige? Megan? Hope?
Mackenzie- No.
Audrey- Then who...NO!
Realization colored Audrey's face. It was soon replaced with shock, followed quickly by agony. This was a new pain, even worse than when she learned of Spencer's infidelity. This was a thousand knives stabbing her repeatedly up and down her back. This was someone cutting through her chest with a dull scalpel and ripping out her heart with his bare hands.
Audrey- How could you do this to me?!? YOU ARE MY SISTER! MY FLESH AND BLOOD! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Mackenzie- No! It's not what you're thinking Audrey! I would never--
Audrey- Oh so you're going to deny it? You owe me the truth Mackenzie. And I'll know if you lie. Did you and Spencer have sex?
Mackenzie [consumed with guilt, the fear that it had been all her fault rekindled by the agony in her identical twin sister's eyes]- Yes.
That was all it took. Audrey, delirious with fury, lashed out and shoved her sister in her blinding anger.Mackenzie took one step backwards and balanced precariously on the edge for a moment. Then she fell.
Pull the Plug
“I really shouldn't be doing this,” Tristan gasped.
“But it's so right, I know it is, and you know it too!” Rachel pleaded. “Please, just for a moment, it's just you and me. Forget about her, she isn't right for you, I know she isn't right for you! You belong with me!”
“I'm sorry what did you say?” Tristan asked, ripping the headphones out of his ear. “I need to turn the volume up so I can concentrate. Man, can you believe I'm bench pressing 180 now? I really shouldn't be doing that,” he reiterated. “Thanks babe, you're such a great spotter, what would I do without you? You're like one of the guys.”
“Any time,” Rachel managed, crestfallen.
For the past six months, Rachel had been spotting for Tristan, the juiciest meat head on the football team. She fell in love with him the moment she saw him, he however, was slow on the uptake.
“Alright, I'm about to head out,” Tristan said, interrupting her reverie. “Crystal and I have a hot date tonight. She said she has some big news to tell me. You remember Crystal, right? I met her when I was job shadowing Nurse Kellan at the hospital. I think I've mentioned her a couple times.”
Rachel indeed remembered Crystal, the blond, leggy girl Tristan occasionally took out. “Have fun,” Rachel called to Tristan's retreating back. He waved absentmindedly on his way to the locker room.
While Tristan showered, he thought mainly of his date tonight, and vaguely wondered what Crystal needed to tell him. He liked Crystal, she was a nice girl, but he knew in his heart that he could never love her. In his mind, there was only one person for him. That didn't mean he didn't appreciate Crystals assets, though. He licked his lips as he recalled the feeling of her tight little body under his, her legs straddled around him, the sweet intake of breath, the sounds of babies being made. He laughed to himself. Crystal, sweet as she was, was not right for him. She was only part of the elaborate facade he created to cover up his true self. The only person could ever love was his boyfriend Ramon.
That night, at the restaurant, Crystal revealed her big news.
“I'm pregnant.”
“What? Are you serious? How? And...it's mine....isn't it? Of course it is sorry I asked. But, how? When did you find out?” Tristan stuttered.
“About a month ago. It's a sure thing. But the baby's in trouble! It has a rare blood disease, I'm so worried,” Crystal was almost in tears.
Tristan tried to reassure her. “Don't worry baby, it'll be fine. What can I do?”
“Nothing. I've talked to the doctors. Our baby needs a kidney transplant as soon as he comes out. Luckily, the doctors have already found a match. But it's kind of complicated. You remember me telling you how I grew up in an orphanage?”
Tristan remembered. How could he forget? He vividly recalled the chilling details Crystal instilled in him as she spoke of sleeping on the cold, wet concrete floor with no company but rats and vermin.
“Well,” Crystal continued, “They finally located my family. My last name is Suckskavitz. My birth parents died three years ago, but they left me with a sister.”
“Rachel,” Tristan breathed.
“Yes, how did you know?”
“I work out with a girl names Rachel Suckskavitz. Her parents died three years ago, but she never told me she had a sister,” Tristan explained.
“Hmmm,” Crystal leaned forward as if dishing on the latest gossip. “I was told by the hospital that my mom had an affair with the Senator Thompson right around the time I was conceived. At that point, there was no way of knowing who my father was. So, doing the only thing she could think of, my mother hid the pregnancy from the public, and in order to spare my father the shame of raising a bastard child, gave me up for adoption the second I was born.”
“Why didn't she just get an abortion?”
“She loved me,” Crystal said. “Simple as that. My “father” didn't, but she did. She never knew for sure whose child I was, but she loved me nonetheless. Now I know, thanks to the tests the hospital performed after they exhumed the bodies, that Ralph Suckskavitz was indeed my father. Now, Rachel has to agree to donate a kidney to save my baby. You said you know her, do you think she will?”
“I'm sure she will. How could she not? She and I are friends. I'm sure she'd do anything she could to save my child.”
“Well, in any case, we're about to find out,” Crystal said. “I'm meeting her tonight. She has some sort of appointment at the hospital so they are going to explain the situation to her then.”
“What time is the appointment?” Asked Tristan.
“It starts in about forty-five minutes,” Crystal answered, checking her watch.
“Alright, I'll pay the bill and we can head over there early,” Tristan said.
Meanwhile, at the hospital...
The walls were closing in, my breathing coming in shallow gasps. Everything was fading into a black abyss, and I couldn't see my way through it. My world was ending. How could this happen to me? What had I ever done to anger God this way? Wasn't unrequited love punishment enough? Of course not. Now this. How could my body betray me this way? I worked out, ate healthy. 'It's genetics.' That was the doctors explanation. Genetics? 'There's nothing we could have done.' Nothing? What about the experimental chemo? Why hadn't they tried that? 'It's too dangerous.' Dangerous? I'm going to die!! I have no concept of danger! 'It was too risky at the time, now there is no point.' No point? My life has no point to you? 'You only have two hours.'
“Two hours.” These were the last thoughts racing through Rachel's mind as she collapsed to the floor. The doctors hurried to hook her up to an IV, knowing they could do nothing to ease her pain.
“At least she'll be with her parents soon,” The attending nurse stated, her eyes filled with sympathy. “She was just so young.”
“Remarkable, isn't it?” The doctor said. “But listen, don't go to ICU. There's been a terrible accident, two teenagers hit a semi, they're both barely alive. I don't think they're going to make it through the night.”
“That's horrible!” gasped the nurse.
“That isn't even the worst of it,” said the doctor. “One of them, the girl, is pregnant.”
A little while later, Rachel came to and wasn't surprised to see a team of doctors surrounding her bed. After living nine months with leukemia, one became used to such things.
“Rachel, can you hear me?” Asked the one standing nearest the window.
Rachel nodded her assent.
“I have news for you. You have a sister, one that your parents never told you about,” the doctor said.
“I do?” Rachel asked, flummoxed. This hadn't been what she was expecting.
“Yes, and she's pregnant. But the baby's in trouble. You see, it has leukemia as well, and it needed a kidney. You would have been a perfect match.”
“Would have been? Why am I not still?” Rachel asked, confused.
“Well, your sister and the father of her baby were just in a car accident. The father is in critical condition, but your sister isn't as lucky. Her brain was hit hard, and she's in a vegetative state. It's possible she'll wake up, but it's only a fifty-fifty shot.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Rachel asked.
“Because you're her only family,” the doctor explained.
“It's up to you whether or not we pull the plug.”
“Can I meet her?”
The doctors helped Rachel out of bed and led her upstairs to the ICU where she entered the room of her long lost sister. There was a man covered in bandages and blood one bed over. Rachel looked at him questioningly until the doctors told her that he was the father of the baby. Next to his bed a Latin American man was holding the bandaged man's hand and weeping. Rachel looked away, embarrassed to have witnessed the private grief of the man. She crossed the room and, for the very first time in her life, looked into the face of her sister.
“Her name is Crystal,” the doctor explained.
“Crystal,” Rachel breathed. The name triggered a negative reaction in her sub conscience, but Rachel was so overwhelmed by all the news she had received that night she couldn't immediately figure out why.
“Rachel,” The doctor interrupted her thoughts. “We need you to decide if you want to keep your sister on life support, or remove her.”
Rachel looked at her sister, marveling at the bizarre twist of fate that led her to this moment. How could she decide whether or not to end this girls life? She didn't even know her! All she knew was that “Crystal” had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, and that her name triggered some sort of unknown animosity. It shouldn't be up to Rachel to decide! This was terrible! Suddenly Rachel couldn't bear to look at her sister's face anymore. Her eyes furiously swept the room looking for something, anything else to look at, to focus on and forget about the half dead girl lying next to her. Her gaze landed on the man in the next bed's face. There was something familiar about it...It all suddenly clicked. Crystal, Tristan, the Latin American man was a bit of a mystery, but she let that one go. Tristan was the father, Crystal, her sister, was his date. She was pregnant. That was the big news. That was why they were on the date. Tristan, her soul mate, had been with this vile creature fighting for her life in the bed next to her. And now Rachel was in charge of whether or not Crystal would survive. Of course. It all made sense to her now.Slowly, deliberately, Rachel turned to the doctor and made her last request.
“Pull the plug.”
“But it's so right, I know it is, and you know it too!” Rachel pleaded. “Please, just for a moment, it's just you and me. Forget about her, she isn't right for you, I know she isn't right for you! You belong with me!”
“I'm sorry what did you say?” Tristan asked, ripping the headphones out of his ear. “I need to turn the volume up so I can concentrate. Man, can you believe I'm bench pressing 180 now? I really shouldn't be doing that,” he reiterated. “Thanks babe, you're such a great spotter, what would I do without you? You're like one of the guys.”
“Any time,” Rachel managed, crestfallen.
For the past six months, Rachel had been spotting for Tristan, the juiciest meat head on the football team. She fell in love with him the moment she saw him, he however, was slow on the uptake.
“Alright, I'm about to head out,” Tristan said, interrupting her reverie. “Crystal and I have a hot date tonight. She said she has some big news to tell me. You remember Crystal, right? I met her when I was job shadowing Nurse Kellan at the hospital. I think I've mentioned her a couple times.”
Rachel indeed remembered Crystal, the blond, leggy girl Tristan occasionally took out. “Have fun,” Rachel called to Tristan's retreating back. He waved absentmindedly on his way to the locker room.
While Tristan showered, he thought mainly of his date tonight, and vaguely wondered what Crystal needed to tell him. He liked Crystal, she was a nice girl, but he knew in his heart that he could never love her. In his mind, there was only one person for him. That didn't mean he didn't appreciate Crystals assets, though. He licked his lips as he recalled the feeling of her tight little body under his, her legs straddled around him, the sweet intake of breath, the sounds of babies being made. He laughed to himself. Crystal, sweet as she was, was not right for him. She was only part of the elaborate facade he created to cover up his true self. The only person could ever love was his boyfriend Ramon.
That night, at the restaurant, Crystal revealed her big news.
“I'm pregnant.”
“What? Are you serious? How? And...it's mine....isn't it? Of course it is sorry I asked. But, how? When did you find out?” Tristan stuttered.
“About a month ago. It's a sure thing. But the baby's in trouble! It has a rare blood disease, I'm so worried,” Crystal was almost in tears.
Tristan tried to reassure her. “Don't worry baby, it'll be fine. What can I do?”
“Nothing. I've talked to the doctors. Our baby needs a kidney transplant as soon as he comes out. Luckily, the doctors have already found a match. But it's kind of complicated. You remember me telling you how I grew up in an orphanage?”
Tristan remembered. How could he forget? He vividly recalled the chilling details Crystal instilled in him as she spoke of sleeping on the cold, wet concrete floor with no company but rats and vermin.
“Well,” Crystal continued, “They finally located my family. My last name is Suckskavitz. My birth parents died three years ago, but they left me with a sister.”
“Rachel,” Tristan breathed.
“Yes, how did you know?”
“I work out with a girl names Rachel Suckskavitz. Her parents died three years ago, but she never told me she had a sister,” Tristan explained.
“Hmmm,” Crystal leaned forward as if dishing on the latest gossip. “I was told by the hospital that my mom had an affair with the Senator Thompson right around the time I was conceived. At that point, there was no way of knowing who my father was. So, doing the only thing she could think of, my mother hid the pregnancy from the public, and in order to spare my father the shame of raising a bastard child, gave me up for adoption the second I was born.”
“Why didn't she just get an abortion?”
“She loved me,” Crystal said. “Simple as that. My “father” didn't, but she did. She never knew for sure whose child I was, but she loved me nonetheless. Now I know, thanks to the tests the hospital performed after they exhumed the bodies, that Ralph Suckskavitz was indeed my father. Now, Rachel has to agree to donate a kidney to save my baby. You said you know her, do you think she will?”
“I'm sure she will. How could she not? She and I are friends. I'm sure she'd do anything she could to save my child.”
“Well, in any case, we're about to find out,” Crystal said. “I'm meeting her tonight. She has some sort of appointment at the hospital so they are going to explain the situation to her then.”
“What time is the appointment?” Asked Tristan.
“It starts in about forty-five minutes,” Crystal answered, checking her watch.
“Alright, I'll pay the bill and we can head over there early,” Tristan said.
Meanwhile, at the hospital...
The walls were closing in, my breathing coming in shallow gasps. Everything was fading into a black abyss, and I couldn't see my way through it. My world was ending. How could this happen to me? What had I ever done to anger God this way? Wasn't unrequited love punishment enough? Of course not. Now this. How could my body betray me this way? I worked out, ate healthy. 'It's genetics.' That was the doctors explanation. Genetics? 'There's nothing we could have done.' Nothing? What about the experimental chemo? Why hadn't they tried that? 'It's too dangerous.' Dangerous? I'm going to die!! I have no concept of danger! 'It was too risky at the time, now there is no point.' No point? My life has no point to you? 'You only have two hours.'
“Two hours.” These were the last thoughts racing through Rachel's mind as she collapsed to the floor. The doctors hurried to hook her up to an IV, knowing they could do nothing to ease her pain.
“At least she'll be with her parents soon,” The attending nurse stated, her eyes filled with sympathy. “She was just so young.”
“Remarkable, isn't it?” The doctor said. “But listen, don't go to ICU. There's been a terrible accident, two teenagers hit a semi, they're both barely alive. I don't think they're going to make it through the night.”
“That's horrible!” gasped the nurse.
“That isn't even the worst of it,” said the doctor. “One of them, the girl, is pregnant.”
A little while later, Rachel came to and wasn't surprised to see a team of doctors surrounding her bed. After living nine months with leukemia, one became used to such things.
“Rachel, can you hear me?” Asked the one standing nearest the window.
Rachel nodded her assent.
“I have news for you. You have a sister, one that your parents never told you about,” the doctor said.
“I do?” Rachel asked, flummoxed. This hadn't been what she was expecting.
“Yes, and she's pregnant. But the baby's in trouble. You see, it has leukemia as well, and it needed a kidney. You would have been a perfect match.”
“Would have been? Why am I not still?” Rachel asked, confused.
“Well, your sister and the father of her baby were just in a car accident. The father is in critical condition, but your sister isn't as lucky. Her brain was hit hard, and she's in a vegetative state. It's possible she'll wake up, but it's only a fifty-fifty shot.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Rachel asked.
“Because you're her only family,” the doctor explained.
“It's up to you whether or not we pull the plug.”
“Can I meet her?”
The doctors helped Rachel out of bed and led her upstairs to the ICU where she entered the room of her long lost sister. There was a man covered in bandages and blood one bed over. Rachel looked at him questioningly until the doctors told her that he was the father of the baby. Next to his bed a Latin American man was holding the bandaged man's hand and weeping. Rachel looked away, embarrassed to have witnessed the private grief of the man. She crossed the room and, for the very first time in her life, looked into the face of her sister.
“Her name is Crystal,” the doctor explained.
“Crystal,” Rachel breathed. The name triggered a negative reaction in her sub conscience, but Rachel was so overwhelmed by all the news she had received that night she couldn't immediately figure out why.
“Rachel,” The doctor interrupted her thoughts. “We need you to decide if you want to keep your sister on life support, or remove her.”
Rachel looked at her sister, marveling at the bizarre twist of fate that led her to this moment. How could she decide whether or not to end this girls life? She didn't even know her! All she knew was that “Crystal” had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, and that her name triggered some sort of unknown animosity. It shouldn't be up to Rachel to decide! This was terrible! Suddenly Rachel couldn't bear to look at her sister's face anymore. Her eyes furiously swept the room looking for something, anything else to look at, to focus on and forget about the half dead girl lying next to her. Her gaze landed on the man in the next bed's face. There was something familiar about it...It all suddenly clicked. Crystal, Tristan, the Latin American man was a bit of a mystery, but she let that one go. Tristan was the father, Crystal, her sister, was his date. She was pregnant. That was the big news. That was why they were on the date. Tristan, her soul mate, had been with this vile creature fighting for her life in the bed next to her. And now Rachel was in charge of whether or not Crystal would survive. Of course. It all made sense to her now.Slowly, deliberately, Rachel turned to the doctor and made her last request.
“Pull the plug.”
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