Obama wins a Grammy

OBAMA WINS A GRAMMY

WONDERLAND—The world was shocked and astounded last night when President Barack Obama won a Grammy for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance.“He's just so damn talented,” Grammy coordinator Lib Earl said, with tears in his eyes. “Nobody has a voice like his.” Obama received the award for flexing his golden pipes in campaign ads throughout the nation. “The first time I heard 'I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message,' I knew that he would win the Grammy,” said Earl.


Almost all of Obama's fellow nominees agree. “Heck, Seal and I were just gabbing before the show about how excited we were that Obama was going to be here. He's a musical genius! I mean, John Legend did pretty well too, and I'm gonna let him finish, but Barack Obama had one of the best campaign ads of all time.” Maxwell agreed, noting that even though he was excited about his new song, 'Love You,' Obama's voice deserved the win more than his did. The fifth and final nominee, Stevie Wonder, did not echo the other musicians' sentiments. “Look man, I know Barack's a good president, but that fool ain't no singer! I'm blind and I'm playing the God Damn piano! Anyone can get on that television and approve that old message, but can they blindfold themselves and play the piano? I don't think so!” Wonder was later lead off the stage and asked to “calm himself” in the quiet room. Rumors flew that Wonder is now on trial for treason, but Obama's reps will neither confirm nor deny this statement.


Wonder is not alone in his questioning of Obama's candidacy for the Grammy. Many plumbers named Joe were seen standing outside the White House this morning with picket signs saying “My name is Joe, and I don't think Obama should have won a Grammy.”


Republicans everywhere further renounce Obama's victory. “Obama shouldn't be concerned with this music nonsense!” Republican Senator Jason Allen, of Michigan, says. “He should be one hundred percent focused on the health care issue!” Sara Palin, former governor of Alaska and harsh critic of Obama, was heard this morning from her front porch saying “Oh Barack, you're such a silly man. While you were out drinking and partying and what have you at the Grammy's, I was here protecting our country from the Russians! I can see you over there, Commie! Don't think I can't! I've got my Remington Bolt Action Rifle here if you even think for one second about crossing the Bering Strait!” Palin's rep could not be reached for comment.


The first lady, Michelle Obama, supports her husband's victory. “My husband is a very talented man. I knew that after winning the Nobel Peace Prize that a Grammy was next on the list.” Michelle leans in and whispers conspiratorially. “Don't tell anyone because we're still waiting to hear from the Intergalactic Space Association, but the word on the street is Barack is up for the prestigious award, Master and Commander of the Whole Entire Universe, so keep your fingers crossed!”


Obama's cabinet is firmly supportive of their president's award. An inside source tells us that Michelle and Barack threw an after-Grammy-rave in the oval office, a party unparalleled in its wildness since Clinton and Lewinsky “took office” back in the nineties.


Regardless of the controversy surrounding Obama's win, he clearly deserved to be recognized for his contribution to the auditory industry. After all, when God created the Grammys, he said “And the winner of the Best Male Pop Vocal Performance should be someone who can actually sing and actually has something to do with the music industry.” If Obama doesn't fall into that category, who does?